im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
