he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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