i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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