hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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