Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
