i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
