Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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