My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
