This is not my ceiling
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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