why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
