Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
