I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
