some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
