Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
