Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize