oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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