tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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