the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
handjob tips. give me some.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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