yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
