I wish my penis had an off switch
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
