I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
