the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
