my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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