He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
