dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
