I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
