dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
