My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
