I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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