I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
