Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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