Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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