don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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