i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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