Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
