Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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