i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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