That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize