Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
