Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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