And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
