How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
