all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if only i could text you this smell
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
