toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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