Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
