Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
