Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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