And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
