Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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