About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
