She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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