When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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