I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
