We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
