Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
