this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They took my balls.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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