he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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