I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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