And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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