census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
