Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
