I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
