so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
