the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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