he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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