My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
