Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
