Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
