grandma shit on top of the toilet
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you had me at cake vodka
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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