video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
