I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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